 Read | NATION'S FIRST FREE EVOLUTION ZONE (News): PISTOL CREEK — The Pistol Creek City Council last night approved what is believed to be the nation’s first “Free Evolution Zone” in the parking lot of the Towne Center Shopping Plaza, which includes anchor stores Piggly Wiggly, Target, Ace Hardware and Cabela’s. “We are extremely happy with t . . . . |
| Read | MOTORHEAD SUPPORT FOR OBAMA GOES FROM 0 TO 60 (Sports): DAYTONA BEACH — Republican strategists and Presidential candidate hopefuls are reeling from the shocking results of an ESPN/Daytona Beach Community College poll that shows support for President Barack Obama has rocketed among motor sports fans from 0.5% to 67%. Fox Sports color commentator Larry M . . . . |
| Read | GOVERNMENT SUED FOR TEXTING DRIVERS (News): MUDCAT FALLS -- Calabash County and the U.S. Department of Transportation are being sued by the fifty-two drivers involved in a massive, fog-induced pile-up on the Gila Bend section of the Riverside Turnpike which occurred this past spring. The plaintiff's complaint claims that the government direc . . . . |
| Read | UNDOCUMENTEDS FILE COURT DOCS AGAINST U.S. (News): PISTOL CREEK -- Calabash County Circuit Court Judge Aristotle Needlemensch has granted class action status to a suit originally filed by Juan Hector Montoya Pechuko against the United States government, specifically the Departments of Housing and Urban Development, Health and Human Services and Hom . . . . |
| Read | CALABASH-HOOVER HIGH X-COUNTRY TEAM MISSING (Sports): PISTOL CREEK JUNCTION -- The Hoover High School Cross-Country Track team was reported missing Tuesday during a tri-state meet at Pistol Creek Junction. After a fast start, an apparent wrong turn at a fork in the woods caused the entire team to disappear. Worried parents pleaded with Coaches manning . . . . |
| Read | BUBBLE MAN TO RUN TIME-WARNER (Arts & Leisure): NEW YORK CITY -- H.H. Knott, the uncle of local bubble boy Will Knott, is widely rumored to be the man who will become the next President and Chief Operating Officer of the world's largest media company. "Our sources say that Knott did very well in the interview process -- everything they threw at . . . . |
| Read | SPORTS REPORTER MISSING (Sports): HOUSTON -- Veteran Mudcat Falls THPPPGT sports reporter Spike Divot was reported missing while on-location in Houston, where he was covering the NFL's Super Bowl XXXVIII. He was last seen at a Saturday night party in the company of members of the Carolina Panther's "Top Cats" cheerleading squad. Ho . . . . |
| Read | NO SECOND HAND TOKES (Arts & Leisure): BOULDER -- While the legalization of marijuana for recreation use in Colorado brought out long lines of shoppers flocking from across the country to the modern world's first fully legal marijuana industry, less than a week later, it has also brought out that industry's first legal challenge. Dr. Al . . . . |
| Read | NEW GAME SHOW: WELFARE QUEEN FOR A DAY (Arts & Leisure): HOLLYWOOD -- Based on the recent looting of two Louisiana Walmart stores by food stamp recipients, several game show production companies are suddenly scrambling to resurrect the classic reality show fore-runner, Queen for a Day. Unconfirmed reports claim Mark Burnett, producer of several highly su . . . . |
| Read | SIDE EFFECT CLAIMS GO LIMP (Arts & Leisure): WASHINGTON DC -- Federal health investigators looking into reports that 43 men who used Viagra were struck blind after taking normal doses are now considering new data submitted by Pfizer supporting their contention that the drug may not to blame. In a statement, Pfizer said that a review of 103 cl . . . . |
| Read | A DAY IN FOOD FIGHT INFAMY (Arts & Leisure): MUDCAT FALLS -- When a food fight erupted in the cafeteria of Calabash-Hoover High School last week, law and order was restored with a flurry of detentions, suspensions and black marks on permanent records. But just when school administrators thought the situation had been brought under control, th . . . . |
| Read | COMEDY CLUB A GAS (Arts & Leisure): MUDCAT FALLS -- Popular Barleycorn District destination, Porky's Comedy Club, which until last week held hope to spark a revival in the dormant downtown entertainment district, has been closed indefinitely after a raid by the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency Saturday night. DEA agents served a federal . . . . |
| Read | KICK ESCAPADES ICED (Arts & Leisure): MUDCAT FALLS -- Agents from the U.S. Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services raided the country estate of renowned local dinner theater directing legend Ed Kick, shutting down rehearsals for his production of "The West Wing on Ice" before the ground breaking entertainment extravaganza could . . . . |
| Read | MFTV -- VIEWER'S GUIDE (Arts & Leisure): 7PM 43 Everybody Loves Raymond (cc) -- Comedy 54321 Robert becomes unglued and terrorizes Ray and his family by climbing on the roof of his parent's house with a high powered rifle. Frank senses a unique opportunity and tells Marie to go help Debra bake brownies. 7:30 HGTV Nicknack Paddy Whack -- H . . . . |
| Read | MFTV -- VIEWER'S GUIDE (Arts & Leisure): 7PM FOOD Mitch's Gourmet Celebrity Dumpster Diving (cc) -- Documentary 21477 An after hours tour of the best alley dining in America. This evening Mitch enjoys a twelve course moveable feast in lower Manhattan with Andy Dick, including a stop at Robert De Niro's Tribeca Grill. 7:30 UPN Sister Sluts . . . . |
| Read | BOVINE BLOVIATION BLOWS UP (Arts & Leisure): PISTOL CREEK JUNCTION -- A nearly six month long sit-in protest against R.K. Meat Packing Company, Calabash County's largest employer, came to an abrupt end when a portable outhouse exploded, injuring several protesters and splattering tens more with excrement and urine. The Calabash Leguminians Ag . . . . |
| Read | PLANET HOLLYWOOD CURSE HITS MAIN STREET (Arts & Leisure): MUDCAT FALLS -- In yet another tolling of the death knell for theme restaurants, downtown's own Baghdad Bar-B-Q has closed. The eatery, which proclaimed itself "Where the Sunni meets the South," never quite caught on with local patrons, despite its clever combination of Desert Storm camoflague deco . . . . |
| Read | PORKY SAYS "STUFF IT" TO LOCAL LEGEND (Arts & Leisure): MUDCAT FALLS -- This week's town council meeting was gavelled to a premature close as rioting overran Robert's Rules of Orders, when town elders opened hearings into the local "urban legend" of a twenty-foot long, one thousand pound albino catfish long believed to inhabit the deep pooling currents . . . . |
| Read | "JUST SUE, BABY" (Sports): OAKLAND -- The final chapter of a football saga has finally been penned by, of all people, the Justices of the United States Supreme Court, thereby preserving for the ages the play renown the world over as the "Immaculate Reception." In a split 5-4 decision, the Court quietly overturned a 9th Circu . . . . |
| Read | PCU BULLETS WIN STREAK CHALLENGED (Sports): PISTOL CREEK JUNCTION -- The unprecedented twelve year home field winning streak of the Pistol Creek University Bullets football team is being challenged today by a coalition of teams from the Big River Athletic Conference, including our own local Mudcat Falls Community College Fighting Gourds, all . . . . |
| Read | SPORTS FANS & INDIANS ON WARPATH (Sports): MUDCAT FALLS -- In a rare show of unity, sports fans and native American tribesmen have banded together with protest groups to fight the change in uniforms of the beloved hometown Hustlin' Hunkpapas for the upcoming season. "How am I supposed to root for a team all prissied up in pink jerseys, hot . . . . |
| Read | STONE SMOKED FOR LIGHTING UP (Arts & Leisure): PISTOL CREEK JUNCTION -- The local police department has issued a warrant for the arrest of actress Sharon Stone for smoking in public. Pistol Creek Junction has the strictest anti-smoking laws in the nation and maintains an absolute zero tolerance policy on the use of tobacco in all public places. . . . . |
| Read | LOCAL MAN TRAINS FOR U.S. OLYMPIC TEAM (Sports): MUDCAT FALLS -- Believing that it is only a matter of time before video games will be the next big Olympic event, local man Buster Higglesbottom is training for gold right here in Mudcat Falls. His rigorous routine starts at nine o'clock in the morning to prepare for what the self-proclaimed E-thle . . . . |
| Read | HOLLYWOOD HISSY FITS (Arts & Leisure): HOLLYWOOD -- As talk of black lists gives way to hand wringing over weakening box office receipts, the back lots of Hollywood movie studios are overcast with a dark cloud of fear and frustration, as politically outspoken stars, like Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, Jeannie Garu . . . . |
| Read | TOPPS "IMMORTALS" SERIES PREMIERS (Sports): NEW YORK -- You can now own your favorite athlete's DNA without being the victim of a Class A felony with the new Topps "Immortals" series of trading cards and collectors are already lining up at local baseball card shops for their shot at claiming a certified copy of the molecular structure of the . . . . |