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Bluesman Blackballed from Black History Month

MUDCAT FALLS -- Local blues legend, Sonny "Bug Splat" Williams, the self-proclaimed "Epitome of Cool," found himself in hot water with local organizers of festivities to celebrate Black History Month, which has resulted in his removal from the February 23 downtown birthday party extravaganza to honor author, teacher, civil rights leader and founder of the N.A.A.C.P., William Edward Burghardt Du Bois.

"I dunno what's going on," said Bug Splat, whose trademark bottleneck slide guitar style has been likened to the wail of alley cats in heat. "First they said I had a gig, then they said no. You know, man, it happens in this business."

"Pastor Dieselspiel came down to the Mudcat Falls Municipal Library and checked out Mr. William's recording, Bucket Full of Funk," said Lilian Withers, Head Librarian and certified Dewey Decimal System Six Sigma Black Belt. "He returned the next day and requested my assistance in determining the meanings of certain slang terms he had encountered in the lyrics of the songs. He seemed quite upset by what we discovered."

"Do you know the meaning of 'Mo-jo'? Or to what, exactly, 'Funk' refers? Or 'The Forty-Fours'? It is disgusting," thundered Reverend Arnold Dieselspiel, minister at the Riverside Charismatic Episcopal Church of the Sacred Sunrise and Chairperson of the Black History Month Entertainment Committee. "Besides which, the songs are just so dad-blamed depressing, if you will pardon my French. We are aiming to have an upbeat, family oriented program to inspire folks to live together in peace and harmony. Clearly, we can do better."

The Entertainment Committee Chairman vowed the show would go on and announced that the dynamic duo of Bimini Gambflugel and Digby Dalhaber, renowned local semi-professional musical theater thespians, has been signed to take Bug Splat Williams and the Bleu Chunx Band's nine o'clock spot on stage that Saturday evening with their Donnie and Marie Revival and Laser Light Show, which has played to rave reviews at community centers, churches, fairgrounds and gymnasiums up and down the river for miles.

"Donnie and Marie? Donnie and Marie? DONNIE AND MARIE?" sputtered Dr. Jackson Selma Montgomery, Jr., preacher at the Southside Baptist Church and second generation local civil rights leader upon hearing the news. "This is a sham -- this is a sham of a sham -- this is a ridiculous, reprehensible abomination of a sham of a sham, that will not stand."

"It does appear from the information our office has received that Mr. Williams has a somewhat checkered past," said Mayor Archibald Alabaster III cautiously. "But let me be quick to add, though, that the city has no part in any of these decisions whatsoever. The American Civil Liberties Union has certainly seen to that."

A spokesman for the mayor's office clarified that the city's chief executive was not referring to the Bluesman's recording contract with Checker Records, but rather his propensity for liquor, gambling and womanizing, as well as a long string of arrests and convictions for various crimes, including drug possession and trafficking, shop lifting, public indecency and manslaughter.

Bug Splat is a polarizing figure in the Rock Music Establishment, primarily due to his insistence that he was the one who stabbed beloved song writer Robert Johnson to death with an ice pick in Greenwood, Mississippi, over the accusation that Johnson had stolen songs he had written, including the Eric Clapton classic cover, "Crossroads." Although later dropped, assault charges were brought against the local band leader when he came to blows with Keith Richards following his 1969 opening act set at the Altamont Speedway, when the rock guitarist, in a rare moment of lucidity, became aware of Bug Splat's supposed involvement in the murder of the composer of the Rolling Stones hit, "Love in Vain." Most musicologists dispute the Bluesman's assertions, holding to the generally accepted version of events that Johnson was poisoned with stryccnine-laced whiskey by a jealous houseman over a woman.

"Martin Luther King had a dream," Dr. Montgomery sermonized to a small but determined group of protesters who chanted 'No Justice, No Peace' on the steps of Mudcat Falls City Hall. "And I am damn sure Sonny Williams has a dream. We will not rest, we will not tire, we will not retire until our brother can live his dream."

Curiously, the one man missing from the rally on his behalf was the controversial musician himself. He was located later that day at his apartment, drowsily arising at the crack of noon, smelling of Jack Daniel's and cannabis, which he insisted was medicinal in nature.

"As a matter of fact, I did have a dream last night," said Bug Splat. "I dreamt Dahlia down at Stevie Ray's covered me with honey and we had a good old time. I'd surely like some help to live that dream. Straight up."

When reached for comment, Dahlia Jigglesjohn, bar maiden at Stevie Ray's Blues Club in the downtown Barleycorn District, would only roll her eyes and say, "That old coot? Puh-leeze."

©2003 MFTHPPPGT




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