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Local Man Sues CLAP

MUDCAT FALLS -- Chester McFuddlespud, proprietor of the local Sid & Nancy Museum, has brought a civil suit against the Congress of Liars, Apostates and Prevaricators for fraud, misrepresentation and deceptive trade practices.

According to court papers filed with the Calabash County Clerk of Courts, McFuddlespud alleges that CLAP made false promises in order to entice him to pay a $17,500.00 initiation fee to join the organization.

"Well, the name of the group is the Congress of Liars, Apostates and Prevaricators, so there was no misrepresentation there," said attorney Steve Dallas who is defending CLAP and is also a Kapuden Pasha in the group's leadership council. "Of course, thereafter to act in a forthright and truthful manner after so identifying ourselves and our stated mission would, in fact, then have been fraudulent and deceptive."

McFuddlespud's suit claims that he was promised fame, fortune and love, specifically an intimate relationship with Victoria Secret model Heidi Klum upon joining the organization, which did not materialize not only defrauding him of thousands of dollars, inflicting mental anguish and emotional distress, but also rendering him unable to perform his duties as curator in the nation's only museum dedicated to the memorabilia of the Sex Pistol's Sid Vicious and his girl friend Nancy Spungen.

CLAP is a social club which was founded in the year after Lee's surrender to Grant at Appomatox by businessmen, professionals and politicians, who gathered to trade tales of their exploits in the Civil War. It is the oldest fraternal organization in Calabash County.

"The Spud and Heidi Klum?" asked Dallas rhetorically, "Yeah . . . right. I wish it was mine. That one will be a sure winner at this year's awards banquet."

McFuddlespud was unable to find a local attorney who did not have a conflict of interest in the suit as a result of their affiliation with CLAP and is, therefore, acting as his own lawyer.





©2006 MFTHPPPGT




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