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Judge Sides with Law and Order
MUDCAT FALLS -- In a decision that has stunned legal scholars, experts and cable pundits, Judge Aristotle Needlemensch granted a defense motion for dismissal when the prosecution failed to present its case within sixty minutes in the murder trial of Edith Pickles-Smythe.
District Attorney Jack Meddlemeister vowed from the court house steps to file an immediate appeal.
"Oh, those guys always say that. They're such sore losers," said jubilant defense team leader Steve Dallas. "The bottom line is the Constitution guarantees a defendant the right to a speedy trial and the judge agreed with us that if Dick Wolf can get it done in an hour, so should they."
Pickles-Smythe was on trial for murdering her sister-in-law, Sissy Pickles-Parsons and stuffing her dismembered body parts into forty-three separate plastic storage containers, each labeled anatomically, dated and carefully placed in the basement freezer of her Riverview Avenue home.
Two previous trials ended in hung juries and most legal commentators had observed Judge Needlemensch's apparent boredom and overt disinterest in the proceedings as the District Attorney's office continued to pursue their prosecution of the suburban soccer mom for a third time.
Carey Lowell starred as ADA Jamie Ross in the original
Law and Order.
©
2006
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