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Hunkpapas Protest Goes Up in Smoke

MUDCAT FALLS -- Six Native Americans picketing the offices of the "Hustlin' Hunkpapas", Mudcat Falls' beloved hometown Double-A minor league baseball team, were treated for smoke inhalation after a teepee erected during their protest over the team's name and mascot caught fire and burned down to the sidewalk before firefighters could arrive on the scene. The protesters were treated and released from Calabash County General Hospital, but did not return to the picket line.

Mudcat Falls Fire Chief Smoky Whistler attributed the blaze to an out of control Bar-B-Q two of the protesters had started in a vain attempt to cook bratwurst. "I guess after two weeks of the sit-in they were tired of eating beef jerky and wanted a hot meal. Unfortunately, they used too much starter fluid and the flames jumped from the Weber to the residential unit. It's a pretty common backyard phenomenon, but you don't often see it at a sporting venue."

"I say no. No free hot dogs. No one time. No two times. No a million times. So, they go to A & P," explained eyewitness Malachek Walsplat, local vending icon, whose hot dog wagon is a veritable city landmark, perennially stationed outside Hunkpapa's Municipal Stadium. "I no feed them. They try to feed themselves and -- POOF! They burn down little, pointy tent."

Walter Elk Intestines, the group's leader, had no comment on the tragedy, but said, "The continued disrespect and degradation of my people by the false sports idolatry of this white European male dominated society is totally unacceptable and must be stopped. We are human beings, too."

The protesters' smoke signals evidently fell on deaf ears as team spokesman, Neville Batts, proclaimed, "The Hustlin' Hunkpapas are a source of pride for all the hardworking citizens here in Mudcat Falls. We do our 'talking' on the ball diamond and we don't need to answer to any out-of-town rabble rousers, unless they want to field a team and go at it for nine innings."

Standout Honduran short stop Javiar Pechuko asked, "If dey no like base-a-ball, why dey come to game? I like base-a-ball, so I come to America. I berry, berry happy."

Lost in the blaze were a tribal headdress of eagle feathers and a ceremonial buffalo robe claimed to have been handed down directly from famous Sioux medicine man, Sitting Bull. Chief Whistler was quick to assure the citizens of Mudcat Falls that his hook and ladder company might have been able to stop the fire and save the historic artifacts, but the Indians' only cell phone was inside the burning teepee, delaying the initial call to 9-1-1. Also ruined was a twenty-foot banner promoting the Potawatomi Bingo and Northern Lights Casino, which was sponsoring the local protest.




©2003 MFTHPPPGT




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