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Social Workers Scrooge Holiday Show

MUDCAT FALLS -- A special strike force from the Calabash County Department of Social Services swooped down on a packed Hoover High School Auditorium Saturday evening to close the drama department's holiday production of Oh Calcutta! A clearly perplexed Principal Essel Forskein was taken into custody, charged with neglect, corruption of a minor and operating a child pornography ring.

"But they told me it was a charming little Gilbert and Sullivan operetta about turn of the century British colonialism," protested Forskein as he was being handcuffed, referring to Director Ed Kick and Choreographer Bimini Gambflugel, who remain at large after exiting stage right during the raid.

The raid capped a two week long undercover investigation during which disguised social workers scalped tickets to sold out performances to infiltrate the audience in order to collect incriminating evidence.

"You wouldn't believe the filth my team members had to endure night after night to rid our community of this scourge," said Alicia Fingletart, CCDSS Section Chief. "Their reports catalogued more audience snickers and catcalls than at last summer's Beavis and Butthead film festival."

The so-called experiment in elegant erotica, created by Ken Tynan who was the very first person to utter the 'F' word on BBC Television, and once holding honors as the longest running production on Broadway, features full frontal nudity during the presentation of a series of skits penned by such notables as Sam Shepard, John Lennon and Jules Fiefer, all set to music by Professor Peter Schickele, famed for discovering the lost manuscripts of P.D.Q. Bach, Johann Sebastian Bach's youngest son.

"We just can't win," whined popular sophomore actress and cheerleader Veronica Vuxomhall. "We wanted to do a really nice Christmas show, like the Rockettes or the Nutcracker, but the ALCU served us with a federal restraining order. What else could we do?"

While controversial, the show sold out its complete holiday run once word hit the streets, making it Hoover High's most successful theater production ever. The musical revue was said to have achieved cult status among the varsity football squad which was observed attending performances night after night.

"I never really appreciated Veronica's talents until now," said stand-out linebacker Skip Hickums. "And who is that John Lennon wanker? What a pervert."

The Mudcat Falls Chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union has already filed suit in Federal Court alleging first amendment violations and government censorship, asking the court to order that the students be allowed finish all scheduled performances, which are set to run through Valentine's Day, and restraining the Department of Social Services from any further enforcement actions.



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