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ACLU Challenges Calendar

MUDCAT FALLS -- The ACLU filed suit in Federal Court on behalf of local atheist Chester McFuddlespud to force the Calabash County Government into abandoning the Gregorian Calendar under the Establishment Clause of the U.S. Constitution, as a tacit and impermissible endorsement of religion.

The Gregorian Calendar was decreed by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582 in an attempt by the Catholic Church to impose a uniform celebration of Easter.

"A.D. -- Anno Domini-- 'In the Year of our Lord Jesus Christ'. Imagine the tyranny of having religious beliefs imposed upon you against your will every minute of every day of every year," said Clinton Svinktaogle, President of the local Chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union. "This is America, not the Spanish Inquisition, but what the vast right-wing, Judeo-Christian conspiracy doesn't want you to know is that there are sensible alternatives to this deeply institutionalized religious persecution, like the Common-Civil-Calendar-and-Time, 53-week calendar, International Fixed Calendar, Positivist Calendar, Symmetry454 or World Calendar."

The County Water Department immediately expressed concern over possible adverse effects on their monthly billing cycle and AFSCME union officials fear management exploitation of the change to unfairly increase the workweek or reduce holiday time off.

On the other hand, a calendar change is strongly supported by computer industry insiders, who see such a change as creating an even greater boom opportunity than Y2K.

"I kind of like that Positivist Calendar, cause it's got thirteen months," said McFuddlespud from the steps of the Calabash County Courthouse with Svinktaogle at his side. "And that would mean an extra picture in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Calendar."








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